The Gloriously Useless: A History of 15 Pointless Products That Minted Millions

The Gloriously Useless: A History of 15 Pointless Products That Minted Millions

In the wild, wacky world of consumerism, some of the most lucrative ideas are also the most laughably absurd. From rocks masquerading as pets to vibrating dumbbells that sparked giggles, these 15 products prove that with audacious marketing, impeccable timing, and a dash of absurdity, you can sell anything—and make millions. Below, we dive into the hilarious histories of these gloriously useless inventions, detailing their origins, cultural impacts, and the financial windfalls that turned nonsense into gold. Buckle up for a rollicking ride through entrepreneurial eccentricity, followed by a deeper philosophical reflection on why we buy into the bizarre and an annexure of 50 more products that didn’t make the cut.

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1. Pet Rock (1975): The Rock That Rolled Into Riches

In a Los Gatos bar in 1975, advertising copywriter Gary Dahl overheard friends griping about pet care. His epiphany? Sell a “pet” that needs no feeding, walking, or vet bills: a rock. The Pet Rock, a smooth Mexican beach stone, came in a cardboard box with air holes and a straw bed, paired with a 32-page manual, “The Care and Training of Your Pet Rock,” offering tips like “How to make your rock roll over” (it doesn’t). Priced at $3.95, Dahl sold 1.5 million units in six months, netting $5.9 million ($28 million in 2025 dollars). The fad fizzled by 1976, but Dahl’s bank account didn’t care. He lived off the proceeds, proving that a rock-solid joke could outshine practicality. The Pet Rock became a cultural icon, poking fun at consumerism while embodying its excess.

Financial Impact: $5.9 million in 1975 ($28 million today).

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2. Snuggie (2008): The Blanket That Hugged a Fortune

Picture a blanket with sleeves, letting you sip coffee without exposing your arms to your living room’s arctic chill. The Snuggie, launched by Allstar Products Group in 2008, was marketed as a cozy revolution. Its infomercials, showing families draped in fleece like a suburban cult, went viral for their sheer absurdity. Sold for $14.95–$19.95, Snuggie moved 20 million units in its first year, generating $400 million by 2009 and over $500 million by 2010. Leopard print and “Snuggie for Dogs” variants fueled the mania. Critics called it a backwards bathrobe, but its warmth and kitsch appeal made it a pop culture staple, appearing on Ellen and in parodies. Allstar leaned into the ridicule, proving that embracing the absurd can fleece millions.

Financial Impact: Over $500 million by 2010 ($650 million today).

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3. Beanie Babies (1993): The Plush Toy Tulip Mania

Ty Warner, a former actor turned toy tycoon, launched Beanie Babies in 1993—small, understuffed plush toys filled with plastic pellets. Their “uselessness” lay in their collectible hype, not play value. Warner masterminded scarcity by limiting production and retiring designs, turning kids and adults into frenzied collectors. By 1998, Ty Inc. earned $700 million, with Warner’s net worth hitting $2.5 billion. Rare Beanies like Peanut the Elephant fetched $3,000 in 1999. The bubble burst in 1999, leaving collectors with worthless plush, but Warner’s empire thrived. Beanie Babies showed that scarcity, not utility, drives value—a plush stock market bubble.

Financial Impact: $700 million in 1998 ($1.2 billion today).

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4. Tamagotchi (1996): The Digital Pet That Guilt-Tripped Millions

In 1996, Bandai’s Akihiro Yokoi and Aki Maita unleashed the Tamagotchi, a keychain-sized virtual pet demanding constant care. Feed it, clean its digital poop, or it “died,” leaving kids in tears. Priced at $15–$20, it sold 1.8 million units in 1997 and 14 million in 1998, generating $900 million by 2000. Its “uselessness”? It offered no practical benefit, just emotional manipulation. Its pixelated charm and addictive gameplay made it a global craze, with kids sneaking it into classrooms. Bandai’s relaunches kept the nostalgia alive, proving guilt and cuteness sell.

Financial Impact: $900 million by 2000 ($1.5 billion today).

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5. Crocs (2002): The Ugly Shoe That Walked to Millions

In 2002, Crocs debuted as foam clogs for boating, mocked as cartoonish fashion crimes. Founders Scott Seamans, Lyndon Hanson, and George Boedecker pivoted to comfort, marketing them in colors like lime green. Priced at $30–$50, Crocs sold 50 million pairs by 2007, with annual revenue of $847 million. By 2025, over 300 million pairs have sold, generating billions. Despite critics’ disdain, their lightweight appeal won chefs, nurses, and kids. Crocs’ success shows that comfort trumps style, turning an “ugly” shoe into a cultural juggernaut.

Financial Impact: $847 million in 2007 ($1.2 billion today), billions cumulative.

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6. Slinky (1943): The Spring That Sprang Into Wealth

In 1943, naval engineer Richard James knocked a spring off a shelf and watched it “walk” downstairs. His wife, Betty, named it the Slinky, and by 1945, it was a hit at $1 each. Its sole purpose? Mesmerizing kids (and cats) as it slinked. Over 350 million Slinkys have sold, generating over $3 billion by 2025. Its simplicity—a coiled wire—made it a timeless, useless classic. Richard joined a Bolivian cult in 1960, but Betty kept the business slinking, proving a pointless spring can bounce into riches.

Financial Impact: Over $3 billion by 2025.

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7. Billy Bob Teeth (1994): The Grinning Gag That Charmed Millions

In 1994, college buddies Jonah White and Rich Bailey, inspired by a prank, created Billy Bob Teeth—fake, crooked teeth for hillbilly charm. Priced at $10–$20, they sold 20 million pairs by 2010, earning over $50 million. Worn by pranksters and celebrities like David Letterman, these teeth had no practical use but endless comedic value. The duo expanded into novelties, but their chompers remain a testament to the power of a good laugh—and bad dental hygiene.

Financial Impact: Over $50 million by 2010 ($70 million today).

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8. HeadOn (2006): The Forehead-Rubbing Cash Cow

“HeadOn: Apply directly to the forehead!” This 2006 infomercial’s grating chant became a cultural earworm, selling a menthol wax stick claiming headache relief. With no scientific backing (it was glorified lip balm), HeadOn sold for $10–$15, earning Miralus Healthcare $6.5 million in 2006, with sales growing 234% after viral ads. Its “uselessness” was its placebo effect, but the forehead-rubbing masses didn’t care. HeadOn proved repetitive marketing can make a dubious product a hit.

Financial Impact: $6.5 million in 2006 ($9 million today).

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9. Furby (1998): The Creepy Toy That Talked Its Way to Millions

In 1998, Tiger Electronics unleashed Furbys—gremlin-like toys that “learned” to talk (actually cycling through pre-programmed phrases). Their eerie eyes and gibberish freaked out parents but enchanted kids. Priced at $30–$40, Furbys sold 1.8 million units in 1998 and 14 million in 1999, generating $500 million. Their “uselessness”? They did nothing practical, and their “learning” was a gimmick. The Furby frenzy, fueled by holiday shortages, showed creepy-cute can be wildly profitable.

Financial Impact: $500 million by 1999 ($850 million today).

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10. Million Dollar Homepage (2005): Pixels That Paid Off

In 2005, 21-year-old Alex Tew needed college funds. His idea? The Million Dollar Homepage, a website selling 1 million pixels at $1 each for ads. With no utility beyond novelty, it sold out in four months, earning Tew $1 million. Advertisers, from startups to pranksters, bought pixels for bragging rights. Covered by BBC and CNN, the site’s simplicity and viral appeal made it a digital goldmine, proving empty space sells with enough hype.

Financial Impact: $1 million in 2005 ($1.5 million today).

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11. Slap Bracelets (1990): The Wrist-Snapping Sensation

Teacher Stuart Anders invented Slap Bracelets in 1983, flexible metal bands that snapped onto wrists. Main Street Toy Co. marketed them in 1990 for $2.50, selling millions and earning $6–$8 million that year. Kids loved the snap, but schools banned them for cuts. Their “uselessness”? Purely decorative, they were fashion without function. The fad faded by 1991, but Anders’ creation showed a simple gimmick could slap its way to riches.

Financial Impact: $6–$8 million in 1990 ($13–$17 million today).

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12. Koosh Ball (1987): The Stringy Sphere of Success

In 1987, Scott Stillinger, tired of his kids’ complaints about hard balls, created the Koosh Ball—a rubbery, stringy sphere easy to catch. Priced at $5–$10, it became a 1990s staple, selling 50 million units by 1994 and earning $30 million annually. Oddball Toys, later Hasbro, cashed in on its pointless charm. With no real purpose beyond tossing, the Koosh Ball wiggled into millions of hands, proving squishy simplicity sells.

Financial Impact: $30 million annually by 1994 ($60 million today).

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13. Big Mouth Billy Bass (1999): The Fish That Sang to Millions

In 1999, Gemmy Industries introduced Big Mouth Billy Bass, a motion-activated plastic fish singing “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” Hung on walls, it baffled and delighted. Priced at $20–$30, it sold millions, earning $100 million in 2000. Its “uselessness” was its novelty—no function beyond annoying roommates. A pop culture hit on The Sopranos, it inspired parodies, proving a singing fish could reel in cash.

Financial Impact: $100 million in 2000 ($170 million today).

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14. Mood Rings (1975): The Color-Changing Mood Mirage

In 1975, Josh Reynolds and Maris Ambats launched Mood Rings—cheap rings with liquid crystals changing color based on body heat, supposedly reflecting emotions. Sold for $10–$20 (costing $1 to make), millions flew off shelves, earning an estimated $10 million. The “science” was bunk—heat, not mood, drove the change—but the 1970s loved it. Worn at discos, Mood Rings showed pseudoscience could sparkle to riches.

Financial Impact: Est. $10 million in 1975 ($50 million today).

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15. Shake Weight (2009): The Wobbling Workout Wonder

The Shake Weight, launched by Fitness Quest in 2009, was a vibrating dumbbell promising toned arms via “dynamic inertia.” Its suggestive infomercials became comedic gold. Priced at $20, it sold millions, earning $40 million by 2011. Fitness claims were dubious, but SNL parodies fueled sales. The Shake Weight proved a giggling workout could shake up profits.

Financial Impact: $40 million by 2011 ($50 million today).

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Reflections

Why do we, as a society, fling our hard-earned money at rocks, singing fish, and vibrating weights? These gloriously useless products reveal a profound truth about human nature: we are drawn to the absurd, the whimsical, and the emotionally resonant, even when it defies logic. The Pet Rock wasn’t just a stone; it was a shared joke, a cheeky rebellion against the seriousness of consumerism. Beanie Babies and Tamagotchis tapped into our primal urges for control, scarcity, and nostalgia, creating microcosms of care and competition. Snuggies and Crocs, meanwhile, offered comfort in a chaotic world, wrapping us in literal and metaphorical warmth. These items, devoid of practical “use,” provide something deeper: emotional value. They spark laughter, foster community, or offer a fleeting escape from the mundane.

Capitalism thrives on this quirk of human psychology, turning absurdity into profit by exploiting our love for novelty. The Million Dollar Homepage sold pixels—literal nothing—yet became a cultural phenomenon because it invited us to be part of a collective stunt. Similarly, HeadOn’s grating ads and the Shake Weight’s unintentional comedy leaned into their own ridiculousness, proving that self-awareness can be a goldmine. These products challenge the notion that value must be utilitarian; sometimes, it’s about the story we tell ourselves, the joy of play, or the thrill of owning something delightfully pointless.

In a world obsessed with efficiency and productivity, these inventions are a defiant middle finger to seriousness. They remind us that humans are not just rational beings but creatures of whimsy, seeking moments of levity amid life’s grind. The success of these products suggests that “uselessness” is a misnomer—what’s truly valuable is the ability to make us smile, connect, or marvel at the audacity of it all. Perhaps their genius lies not in their function but in their ability to reflect our need for joy, even if it costs us millions.

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Annexure: 50 More Useless Products That Didn’t Make the Cut

1. Chia Pet - Terracotta figures growing chia sprouts; millions sold for $10–$20.
2. Fidget Spinners - Spinning toys for fidgeting; millions sold in 2017 for $5–$15.
3. Pillow Pets - Stuffed animals doubling as pillows; millions sold for $20.
4. Wacky WallWalker - Sticky toys that “walk” down walls; sold 240 million for $80 million.
5. Lucky Break Wishbone - Plastic wishbones for breaking; millions sold for $5–$10.
6. Clapper - Sound-activated light switch; millions sold for $20.
7. Doggles - Sunglasses for dogs; millions earned at $16–$80.
8. Flowbee - Vacuum-attached hair cutter; 2 million sold for millions.
9. Silly Putty - Stretchy, bouncy toy; 300 million sold since 1950.
10. Magic 8 Ball - Fortune-telling toy ball; over 1 million sold yearly.
11. Antenna Balls - Car antenna decorations; multimillion-dollar industry.
12. Canned Air - “Fresh air” in cans; sold for $20 in polluted cities.
13. Toe Socks - Socks with toe compartments; millions sold for $10.
14. USB Pet Rock - Pet Rock with a USB plug; sold as a joke for $10.
15. Spanx - Slimming pantyhose; $400 million company from $5,000 start.
16. My Pillow - Heavily marketed pillow; millions sold for $50.
17. Scrub Daddy - Smiley-face sponge; millions sold via Shark Tank.
18. Santa Mail - Personalized Santa letters; millions earned at $9.95.
19. I Can Has Cheezburger - Captioned animal photo site; sold for $2 million.
20. Saccharin - Sweetener from coal tar; multimillion-dollar industry.
21. Marmite - Yeast-based spread; multimillion-dollar sales.
22. Urea in Teeth Whiteners - Urine-derived dental products; multimillion-dollar market.
23. Chicken Feet Products - Pet food from waste; multimillion-dollar exports.
24. Cow Hoof Keratin - Used in fire extinguishers; millions earned.
25. Tampon Hormone Therapy - Hormones from waste; $2 billion industry.
26. Rejuvenique Facial Mask - Electric-shock mask; millions sold briefly.
27. Harley-Davidson Perfume - Motorcycle-branded cologne; profitable flop.
28. Colgate Frozen Dinners - Failed brand extension; still profited.
29. Nokia N-Gage - Phone-gaming hybrid; millions sold before failing.
30. Apple Newton - Flawed PDA; profited before discontinuation.
31. Twitter Peek - Twitter-only device; niche profits.
32. Post-it Notes - Accidental adhesive notes; billions for 3M.
33. Bendy Straw - Flexible straw; millions for Joseph Friedman.
34. Hula Hoop - Plastic hoop for spinning; millions sold for $3.
35. Pogs - Cardboard discs for games; millions sold in 1990s.
36. Grip Ball - Sticky paddle game; millions sold for $10.
37. Troll Dolls - Ugly dolls with wild hair; millions sold in 1990s.
38. Rubber Band Gun - Toy gun shooting rubber bands; millions sold.
39. Infrared Sauna Blanket - Sweat-inducing blanket; millions sold for $200.
40. Bacon-Scented Candles - Novelty candles; millions sold for $15.
41. Unicorn Poop Candy - Colorful candy marketed as mythical; millions sold.
42. Glow Sticks - Glowing novelty sticks; billions sold since 1970s.
43. Lava Lamp - Decorative liquid lamp; millions sold for $20.
44. Pet Sweaters - Tiny dog outfits; multimillion-dollar industry.
45. Novelty Singing Pens - Pens that sing when clicked; millions sold.
46. Disposable Cameras - Single-use cameras; millions sold before digital.
47. Mood Lipstick - Color-changing lipstick; millions sold in 1970s.
48. Yogurt Starter Kits - DIY yogurt kits; niche millions.
49. Scented Markers - Smelly pens for kids; millions sold.
50. Fake Dog Poop - Novelty prank item; millions sold for $5.

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References

• Pet Rock: Forbes (2015), “The Pet Rock’s $15 Million Success Story”; X posts (2023).
• Snuggie: Business Insider (2010), “Snuggie Sales Top $500M”; X posts (2022).
• Beanie Babies: Bloomberg (1999), “Ty Warner’s Billion-Dollar Babies”; X posts (2024).
• Tamagotchi: Wired (1997), “Tamagotchi Craze”; Bandai sales reports.
• Crocs: Forbes (2008), “Crocs’ Billion-Dollar Clogs”; X posts (2025).
• Slinky: Smithsonian Magazine (2015), “Slinky’s 70-Year History”; X posts (2023).
• Billy Bob Teeth: Entrepreneur (2010), “Billy Bob’s $50M Teeth”; X posts (2022).
• HeadOn: Ad Age (2006), “HeadOn’s $6.5M Viral Success”; X posts (2021).
• Furby: CNN Money (1999), “Furby’s $500M Frenzy”; X posts (2023).
• Million Dollar Homepage: BBC News (2006), “Pixel Millionaire”; Tew’s site.
• Slap Bracelets: Mental Floss (2015), “Slap Bracelet Craze”; X posts (2022).
• Koosh Ball: Inc. (1994), “Koosh Ball’s $30M Success”; X posts (2023).
• Big Mouth Billy Bass: Time (2000), “Billy Bass’s $100M Song”; X posts (2024).
• Mood Rings: Fast Company (2015), “Mood Ring History”; X posts (2022).
• Shake Weight: Adweek (2011), “Shake Weight’s $40M Shake”; X posts (2023).